Let it Go

Yesterday I got a surprise phone call from an old mentor of mine. This gentleman I had the privilege of crossing paths with first when I was a senior in high school and he was my sponsor at a state choir week, then almost a decade later when I was serving in my second staff position where wemet again and began meeting together regularly. I owe much of what I know about leading worship to this man. Our paths parted, and we kept in touch only on occasion-- I was usually the one doing the calling.

When I came to Mineral Wells after coming back into vocational ministry, I had reestablished contact with him several months ago which was only a few weeks before he suddenly left the staff position he had had for the past 16 months. During my last conversation with him, the wounds of a bad experience were still tender. My heart broke for him as I too had been burned before. That was 6 months ago. Since I was usually the one who called, when I heard from him, it actually shocked me.

He quickly regaled me of his last few months employed as a permanent substitute at a high school. He then told me he was interviewing for a position he felt confident about at a church in central Texas. As our conversation progressed, I quickly discerned that he was still bitter over his bad experience. Hanging up with him, my memory still echoes with the cutting remarks and names to which he attached to the pastor he served with in his previous position. I hurt for my former mentor, knowing that his pain is real. But even more so, I hurt that he has allowed the enemy to get a foothold in his life and that he is missing out on the joy of releasing someone who has sinned against him.

When we hate and choose to withhold forgiveness, we are hurting no one but ourselves. I watched my own mother stew in her seething hatred for those who wronged her. But the only thing that her bitterness did, I believe, was intensify her physical pain that she had in her last decade of life. Bitterness is a cancer that will eat you up. The sad thing is that those who wronged us usually are completely oblivious and unscathed by the wrath we pour out on them in our hearts. We have to let it go.

I walked through this process a couple years ago where I forgive someone who had wronged me and my family. Never negating what was done nor excusing it, I followed Paul's counsel of Roman 12:14-21. Christ himself said that we forfeit forgiveness of our own sin when we withhold forgiveness of those who wrong us. If you have been wronged, begin to pray for that person. Some people say, "I have forgiven, I just haven't forgotten." I once heard that the true test of forgiveness of your enemy is that you can pray for their blessings. This is amazingly hard to do, nay impossible-- apart from the strength of the Holy Spirit. But with God all things are possible. Let it go brothers and sisters! Be free!

Wake Up Call

I am by no means an expert when it comes to travel, but I have stayed in my share of hotels and inns. One of the amenities that I have found to be pretty standard regardless of the number of stars the establishment boasts is the wake up call. Very simply, you call the front desk and let them know you would like a wake up call and what time you would like it to happen. The clerk or concierge then inputs your request into their computer which in turn rings your room phone at the requested time telling you it is time to get up.

I think we get all sorts of wake up calls from God. God's Word calls it fruit. One of these that I was talking about recently with a friend is the issue of family life and spirituality. This area of my own walk with the Lord has been a real struggle for me. I guess this is hard for me because of my learning style. I am one who can read it and learn some, hear it and learn some, but I tend to learn exponentially more when I see it modeled and have someone coach me as I do it. I, like many, grew up in the church. Yet, it grieves me that I saw (or see) so few examples of how to lead my family spiritually. Oh, I received the message that I was supposed to be doing it, and even saw a few doing. However, until the last few years, after I have blown it big in many ways, there hadn't been many who were willing to invest in me and my family. I have had a few astute people that have been gracious enough to point out the obvious to me (that I screwed up) but never said, "Say, do you know how to do this, I noticed you were having trouble. Can I show you how I do it?" Usually what I heard was versions of "You moron, get your head out of your rear and get it done!"

When you look at instruction Deuteronomy and in Paul's letter to Titus, we get very specific instruction in verses 1-8 of chapter 2 that examples should be set as a key element instruction, not just imparting information, but demonstrating how to do it. Mentoring is becoming a lost art. Author, speaker and pastor, Steve Farrar, attributes this to the Industrial Revolution when fathers were taken out of the homes where their sons worked along side them. If this is the model Christ used, shouldn't we pay a little more attention to it? Now parents are absent from the home, they abdicate their responsibility to the church. We step outside of God's design, for the family, the church or society and then have the gall to act surprised when our world comes crumbling down around us.

God gives us wake up calls every day. It is time we pick up the phone and answer the call. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." - Galatians 6:7-8

Knowing of God vs. Knowing God

"Knowledge of God can be fully given to man only in a Person, never in a doctrine. Faith is not the holding of correct doctrine, but personal fellowship with the living God."

-- William Temple

"The history of mankind will probably show that no people has ever risen above its religion, and man's spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God."

-- A.W. Tozer

Lessons, Part 3

Over recent years, if you know us, we have been in various jobs and homes-- too many in my opinion. I am sure most of you share the same sentiment. As a result of some the jobs that I had, I missed much of my oldest daughter early years. However, I have been present for much of Selah's life thus far, and consequently my relationship with her is different. I love them both, but Selah is definitely a Daddy's girl and Melody is a Mamma's girl.

As only daddies can fully understand, there is a joy that is felt when you come home and their little faces light up just because you are home. Melody is usually the first to reach me because she is vertical, and Selah is still on her hands and knees-- although she should be walking any day now. They want to stop what they are doing and run to me just to be with me. The exception to this would be when Melody is watching a video. She gets so entranced by it, she hardly acknowledges that I even entered the room (we are in the process of changing that).

I think our heavenly Father has the same desire for his kids as do we for ours, and yet we so often we get distracted with things that should not have our attention. God keeps us as the "apple of His eye," and by His Spirit we are able to cry "Abba, Father." The word "Abba" in scripture is different from the word Father. It is a more endearing word, similar to our words "papa" or "daddy." That is the relationship we can have with the Creator of the universe, and yet like my daughter's attachment to the video, we get attached to things that really have no worth.

Having my girls has also intensified my understanding of what is means that God sent His only son to demonstrate His love toward me, one of the vilest of all sinners (Rom. 5:8). I cannot begin to comprehend that fact. Many of us might dare to offer up our own lives for someone of importance, but how many of us would offer up the lives of those we cherish the most for someone who couldn't care less. And yet, that is exactly what God did. He longs for our affection, and we settle for counterfeits everyday. We should frequently revisit the often trivialized John 3:16. It truly captures the heart of our Abba.

Best wishes for safe holiday weekend!

Lessons, Part 2

The lines had been clearly drawn. The decision had been made. This had been a repeated offense. The consequences were pre-established. We had walked this same path earlier this same day. Consistency had to be maintained. She would now have to face the music, once again, for the same crime.

After the verdict was declared and sentenced rendered. Melody looked up at me with her pleading eyes and cried, "But Daddy I'm sorry, I love you!" I was not expecting, however, that we would both be disciplined that day. Before I realized it, the words were out. "If you love me, don't just tell you're sorry, do what I told you." Ouch! Discipline had been administered. It still stings even though it has been over a year since. Christ told us His Spirit would remind us of things He has taught us. The only thing that didn't flash in my head was chapter and verse. John 14:21a "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me."

In my last post, I spoke of how one of the main reasons we continue to sin is our lack of true fear of God. Another is found here. How many times have I looked into my Father's eyes with tears streaming down my face from my guilt and said the same thing to Him, and He has reciprocated my response. Just like the familiar scenario described above, my Father longs not to just hear the words, "I am sorry," but to see my actions to prove it. To repent means to turn and go the other way. But often, rather, for me it means, stop, cry a little in regret that I got caught, and do it again later. A study in 1 John reveals some awesome truths on this matter. We learn that as we grow in our faith, it doesn't mean that we are sinless, but rather that we sin less.

Father, oh that we would demonstrate our love to You, by doing what you tell us and sin less.

Lessons From My Kids, Part 1

I have studied theology and doctrine for well over a decade now, and while I could quote you chapter and verse of the scriptural basis for most of what I believe, it wasn't until the last three of four years that God has taken my understanding to a whole new and more personal level.

My oldest daughter, Melody is four and a half. For a couple of years now we have been on the journey of shaping her will and teaching her right from wrong by teaching her first time obedience. Over the years, I have developed within my daughter a respect for her daddy. She has learned that the boundaries that I set for her must be adhered to, or there will be serious consequences. This is great. Because of the investment I made earlier on, I now spend far less time having to correct her behavior and more time playing and loving on her-- which she definitely prefers. Therefore, because of that obedience, she is not as inclined to disobey her daddy because of her fear and respect.

And yet, I still miss the lesson God has in this for me. Like all folks, I have my list of sins with which I struggle, and I think the main reason we struggle with these sins is that we do not truly fear and respect God. We go on sinning regardless of what consequences our sin had. In Hebrews we really catch a glimpse of how serious our sin is to God, "...without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness." (9:22b) If God takes it this violently serious, why then can we not learn the same lesson I work diligently to teach by daughter? I wonder will I ever learn to truly fear God in such a way that I dare not cross the boundaries that He has set before me. To quote the Apostle Paul, in Romans 7, "24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! "

Have Faith

This is a wise, sane Christian faith: that a man commit himself, his life, and his hopes to God; that God undertakes the special protection of that man; that therefore that man ought not to be afraid of anything.

-- George MacDonald

If God led you to it, He will lead you through it.

-- Author Unknown

The spiritual life is a stern choice. It is not a consoling retreat from the difficulties of existence, but an invitation to enter fully into that difficult existence, and there apply the Charity of God, and bear the cost.

-- Evelyn Underhill

Church Work

I found myself sitting in the auditorium yesterday being quiet before and talking with the Lord. Often during these times, if I am not careful, I find my mind wandering into the temporal realm thinking about that from which I was seeking to escape. Nothing evil necessarily, but on this occasion given my recent literary escapade into Dan Kimball's work, I allowed my mind to wander and begin considering if that which we spend most of our time doing in "church work" was really what Christ had in mind when he spoke of His "called out assembly." When he declared that the gates of hell shall not prevail of against the onslaught of His church, was He thinking about what we so often spend the bulk of our time doing? When you study the life of Christ, you notice that he spends the bulk of His time in relationships with people that many of us make real estate decisions to avoid. Consider the following quote from Mark Hall, "They are all around us. To become numb to their pain is to become numb to the very heart of God and the suffering of His only Son." I found myself feeling ashamed that although I am in the "ministry." That my schedule has little room for associating with non-Christians. How can I be salt and light when I seldom frequent the places when salt and light is needed? It wasn't always like this, and it is not that I don't like being there, but rather, I have allowed my schedule to squeeze out those times with the ones Christ came to seek and to save. I think we are foolish to think that these folks are going to be breaking down to doors to our churches trying to get to us. But I am probably the only one who feels this way...

Passing Through

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.

-- C. S. Lewis

Who's in Charge?

I was talking with a dear friend today. The topic came up of all the insecurities we face in our jobs, families, and world. He made the comment, "Sometimes you just wanna ask, 'Hey, God are you paying attention?'" I don't fault him for saying this as I know he just verballized what we all feel from time to time. I reminded him of a truth he already knows. I told him that actually it gives me great peace knowing that God is paying attention and that he is in control. So, if you find yourself experiencing the same senitment today (which you share with the Psalmist-- a man after God's own heart) listen to the following words:

The greatest act of faith is when man decides he is not God.

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Faith doesn't make anything happen - faith rests on something that has happened!

-- Malcolm Smith

God is God

And the pain falls like a curtain on the things I once called certain. And I have to say the words I fear the most, "I just don’t know."

And the questions without answers come and paralyze the dancer. So, I stand here on the stage afraid to move, afraid to fall. Oh, but fall I must on this truth that my life has been formed from the dust.

God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting. God is God and I am man. So I’ll never understand it all for only God is God.

And the sky begins to thunder, and I’m filled with awe and wonder. ‘Til the only burning question that remains is, "Who am I?"

Can I form a single mountain? Take the stars in hand and count them? Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me? He is first and last before all that has been, beyond all that will pass.

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge? How unsearchable? For to Him and through Him and from Him are all things. So, let us worship before the throne of the One who is worthy of worship alone!

Written by Steven Curtis Chapman ©2001

Church it's Time to Grow Up!

Theodore Epp said, "It is a shame for a person to have been a Christian for years but not to have advanced beyond the knowledge of his salvation."

I have been in the Church for over 3 decades now, and it is alarming as to the truth of this statement. We help people get their "fire insurance" and leave them to grow in their faith by themselves. If we did this with our children we would be investigated for neglect. This is a very touchy issue with me as this is exactly what happened with me. I came to faith at an early age, but I cannot say that my discipleship actually started until after I was in college for a year. Yes, I regularly went to Sunday School and youth programs like Disciple Now, but all those did were tell me what I was supposed to believe. They did not teach me how to study my Bible and feed myself, how to deal with failure and disappointment, how to defend my faith, etc. Were it not for the grace of God, I fear where I would be in my faith.

I have since been apart of some great churches that believe that Jesus actually meant that we were supposed to make followers of Christ and not just converts. I wonder how much damage has been done to the cause of the kingdom the name of the gospel. Please do not misunderstand me, I believe we are called to share the gospel.

I wonder if part of this is from fear. If I am truly to make someone a disciple, it takes an investment of my own life. It takes a vulnerability to have someone walk along side me and watch me mess up and then have to fix it. I have to let my guard down and let people into my life. That is something that few are willing to do. That means they have to be real. It is one thing to say, "Here, pray this prayer and then come to church." It is another to come along someone and work through the messy stuff of life.

It is time to grow up Church!

Settling For Less

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition, when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

- C.S. Lewis

Connecting the Dots

There is a phrase I use on occasion that usually annoys my wife. Probably because I often use it around her in a less than uplifting context. This phrase is "connect the dots." Like the famous puzzles that my oldest daughter is beginning to enjoy, you see a series of numbered dots on a page that when followed in the correct order combine to form a hidden picture that you cannot see otherwise. I believe sometimes God gives us the dots on certain truths throughout scripture, and His Spirit reveals the whole at times that He deems we will be most receptive to them; He "connects the dots" for us.

This morning, he did that for me as I have continued my reading through The Journey of Desire. In Genesis 1:26-27, we read that we are created in His image. Often times we see this expressed when we watch children at play. Os Guinness notes that, "Sometimes we human beings are never happier than when we are expressing the deepest gifts that are truly us." Eldredge goes on to explain that our children have various gifting specialties. "But whatever their specialty, all children are inherently creative." Later he writes, "It comes naturally to children; it's in their nature, their design as little image bearers." That may be the reason that we see pictures of Jesus loving kids; He could see what was first intended for us before it is lost with age and "maturity." Maybe that is why He says we must come to Him in childlike faith.

After He created man, He set them down in "a paradise of unlimited potential." In turn, we are most at home when we are doing what we were created to do and doing it to bring Him glory. I know I always feel closest to God when I am engaged in music. Something in me takes over and I find myself lost in an almost ethereal plane and I am connected to my Creator, and this does not happen to me in any other action. For you, that may be teaching, painting, building, or for whatever you were wired. Nevertheless, we bear His image in the unique way that is ours and ours alone.

Maybe I am missing this altogether, but it really causes me to realize the significance of being made in the image of God.

Mother's Day Reflections...

As many of you know, Jill & I made a decision a long time ago to that when we had kids she would stay home with them. Well we now have two beautiful girls and we have kept to our convictions. It has been very hard and a lot of adjustments (financial and personal) have needed to be made (and we're still making them!) But we are convinced that her staying home and investing in the lives our our girls has made and will make a tremendous difference in their lives. Nearly everywhere we go, we are told that our girls are so happy and well behaved. I would give Jill most of the credit for that. She is a great mom, and the love of my life. No she isn't perfect; neither of us are. But in reply to all the folks in the world that say raising children is not as worthwhile as having a career, I would like to share this quote I found...

"A mother can touch a whole generation just by loving her own child well."

I look forward to seeing the impact her love for her girls will make in the future of our family and country.

"No Other Gods Before Me . . ."

This morning brought spankings in my home. Both my oldest, and her father was on the receiving end of chastisement- her from her father, me from my Heavenly Father. I am currently reading John Eldredge's "The Journey of Desire." After quoting Gerald May he adds his own prodding statements:

"As May reminds us,

Addiction exists wherever persons are internally compelled to give energy to things that are not their true desires. To define it directly, addiction is a state of compulsion, obsession, or preoccupation that enslaves a person's will and desire. Addiction sidetracks and eclipses the energy of our deepest, truest desire for love and goodness. We succumb because the energy of our desire becomes attached, nailed to specific behaviors, objects or people. (Addiction and Grace)

"Addiction may seem too strong a term to some of you. The woman who is serving so faithfully at church-- surely, there's nothing wrong with that. And who can blame the man who stays long at the office to provide for his family? Sure, you may look forward to the next meal more than most people do, and your hobbies can be a nuisance sometimes, but to call any of this an addiction seems to stretch the word a bit far."

God had a word for "addiction;" His Word calls it "idolatry." Eldredge closes this section with these words, "Remember, we will make an idol of anything, especially a good thing. So, distant now from Eden, we are desperate for life, and we come to believe that we must arrange for it as best we can, or no one will. God must thwart us to save us"

'Nough said. I already got my whoopin' today.

Hiding In Plain Sight

I recently read that the newly released hit Spiderman 3 has broken box-office records with its revenues it has generated. While I was unable to make my own contribution to the film-makers collection yet, I am sure I will frequent the silver screen in due time.

I grew up, like many boys, in the comic book scene. Superheroes were my thing. As I grew older, I realized that my childhood fantasies were more than just fun and games. Often, my friends and I would pretend to BE one of these characters. In my adolescent years this turned to fantasy-role playing games such as D&D and video-gaming.

The reality is that I had no hero in my life, and I definitely did not want to be who I was. I could get lost in day-dreaming of being someone special, with superhuman powers and good looks. I would hide in my fantasy world thinking that if I pretended to be someone else, I would not have to deal with the hurt and pain of what was real in my life.

As a pastor, it is now evident to me that this issue is still rampant and a core part of who we are as a society. Maybe you don't hide in a fantasy world of video gaming and super heroes, perhaps your hiding place was through addiction to sports, fashion or the pursuit of the finer things in life. And although we find a temporary cover in the experience or acquisition of things, it always seems to fall short and the lights come on and like cockroaches, we run scurrying for the darker corners lest we have to deal with the real "me."

Although I grew up in church and trusted Christ at a young age, sadly it wasn't until a few years ago that I actually learned who I really was... I am a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. That give me incredible worth. I do not not have to fight, kick and scream to make myself acceptable before God and man, because my sufficiency is found in Christ alone. He is not only my Savior, but he is my hero. And even though, I am still unable to walk on walls or shoot lasers out of my eyes, I cling to the one whose strength is perfected in my weakness (2 Cor. 12) he is my rescuer (Psalm 34:4-7). If you have forgotten who you are in Christ, I invite you to walk thru' the book of Ephesians and take note of all the times it He describes who you are "in Christ" or "in Him."

Musings . . . In The Beginning . . .

Thus it begins, this is my attempt at becoming one of the elite. I have found myself lagging behind long enough and therefore, in the words of the great philosopher Rafiki, "It is time!" I enter the ranks of those who BLOG. I welcome you who crave deeper waters, or those of you who have a dead moment in time and have nothing better to do than to see what Tony's thinking about lately! I am humbled that you would take a moment to consider what I have to say. In many regards, it may be much ado about nothing; however, since I, on occasion, I will endeavor to form articulate tho'ts in the hopes that as I attempt the discipline of journaling, for whomever to read. For those of you who desire truly desire tho'ts of true depth, I would defer to my co-laborer in Christ's musings, "The Life Interior."

My offering is not based on merits of a man who has it all together, but rather, nuggets that I have touched my life and I pray it may do the same for you. Greater men than I have set ink to paper. As I run across these, I will pass them along. It has been said that "experience is the best teacher" and someone completed that same tho't, "especially, if it someone else's." All that to say, if you can piggy back on my dumb experiences, God bless you! I would hate to think that all my stupidity was in vain!

Sometimes I may have much to say, sometimes I will allow the much wiser to speak in my stead. Nevertheless, my ultimate ambition is to encourage you toward knowing the Savior, Jesus Christ, in an intimate way which has been my only redemptive quality. To quote the Apostle Paul, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "

Many start well, but few finish well. May God strengthen us all to that endeavor.