Looking for Answers

I have been alive and in the ministry long enough to know that death is one of the things in life that is certain. Death comes as a natural result of our bodies breaking down over time, or it happens when we are shoved into the reality that we are fragile and held on to by naught but a thread. Though I have participated in and witnessed many funerals, they always have a significant impact on me and I find myself very reflective for days afterward. Sometimes, I think about my own mortality and am reminded not to waste a day. Sometimes, I am challenged to keep pressing on so that I may join the ranks of the few that can say that they finished well.

This week was not the norm. While death is never easy to contend with, it is always difficult to swallow when the life of a child ends suddenly. Many are crushed, all involved are changed forever. There are some things that are just accepted as the norm-- expectations that we all share, whether they are really true or not. One is that parents are not supposed to bury their children especially young children. Unfortunately, experience teaches us all that this is not always true. Parents do bury their kids. Kids are killed in tragic accidents. Kids get horrible disease and die.

In the wake of death's "premature" arrival, many look for answers to the same hard question - "why?" Often, some with the feeling of helplessness, rush to try to answer that question. Most have foolish answers and cause unintentional harm. I have experienced loss at the hand of crime, disease, and accidental death of both family and friends, both young and old. I have witnessed the devastation on a few occasions that this loss brings first hand, and I have tasted of the bitter fruit of losing a child through miscarriage. I have found myself looking for answers to questions like: What color eyes did they have? Was it a boy or a girl? What games would we have played together? There are questions like those that will never be answered. I know it is not the same as seeing a bed that will no longer slept in or toys that will not again be played with. I love both of my girls and will cherish them as long as God's grace allows me to.

Our community lost a preteen boy to an accidental drowning. Ministers were called in to go to the elementary school to talk with those children that needed to talk. I visited with four different kids. All of them sought answers, few left with any. I spent my time grieving with them and assuring them that God was good and that He loved them and the child that died. I heard stories of things they had done with the boy and memories that they will have. Some expressed fear of the same happening to them. This same school had lost a child the year before to sudden sickness. So, this loss was especially stinging.

I have learned that sometimes the only answer to those questions are that God wants us to embrace life and each other because life is always shorter than you realize. Sometimes the best things you can say to those grieving is, "I am so sorry, and I love you." Period. Don't rush to say anything more. Don't try to make sense of it and talk of the "good that will come out of this tragedy."Just pray for them, love them, embrace them and weep with them. Usually, there are no answers even years later. The main truth that I have learned is that God is good regardless of tragedy and that He loves us.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. " - Romans 12:15